When I Fell For You
by District4-divergent-nephilim
Summary: Dean and Cas try to figure out when they fell in love with each other.
1. Chapter 1: Dean

**Because I need Destiel to become canon this season or I might actually die. This is Dean's Chapter.**

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><p>To be honest, I don't remember the exact moment I fell in love with you.<p>

That seed of longing was implanted in my heart the minute you walked through those barn doors all those years ago. You acted cold and distant, yet somehow I knew that you considered me a great friend. You put all the broken pieces of my soul back together, and you knew that I was a good man. A righteous man. I didn't trust you at first, of course. You need to earn it. And you did.

Maybe the moment I fell in love with you was when you were reluctant to make me torture Alastair. You had seen my soul when it was in Hell. We both knew that you didn't want me to do what I did down there ever again. And you would have given anything not to have me do it. You said so yourself. I did it, of course, and almost got killed because of it, but your words were enough to tell me that you cared.

Or maybe the exact moment I fell in love with you was when I told you never to change. It was an ordinary night, as far as ordinary describes anything I do. I was talking to you on the phone, and I said that I'd rather talk in the morning, so you hung up. Sam wasn't there. Zachariah appeared and zapped my into an apocalyptic future, where Sam was Lucifer and I was the leader of a band of survivors of the Croatoan virus. And you were there, but you weren't an angel. You were just another junkie, a fallen angel who had no hope of redemption. But you followed my future self anyway, because you knew that I was a good man. A righteous man. I spent that night scared and alone, until Zachariah zapped me back to the present. Even then, as he was about to kill me, you summoned me to you. Right in the brink of time. You saved my life, and you played it off with a little smile and a shrug of your shoulders. But I never forgot that.

I can't be sure, but maybe the moment I fell in love with you was when I gave you your trenchcoat back outside that mental asylum. You didn't know who you were, or who I really was, but your heart told you to trust me, because I was a good man. A righteous man. I had thought you were dead, killed by the Leviathans, but you showed up when I needed you the most. You didn't know the significance of it, but you accepted that trenchcoat with a smile and a nod of thanks.

Perhaps the moment I fell in love with you was when I found you in Purgatory. I had been searching for almost a year, looking for the angel that had abandoned me. I wanted to be mad at you for leaving me, but I just couldn't hold on to that anger for long. After all, a good and righteous man does not hold grudges. I found you, and I greeted you like an old friend, and you told me to leave. At first I was confused. We were family. I wouldn't abandon you, even if you had abandoned me. And then you told me that you left to keep all the things that were hunting you away from me. And I knew only someone who really loved me would do that.

I'm not sure, but the moment I fell in love with you could have been when you broke through Naomi's trance on you. You had been acting suspicious for a while, and I was beginning to worry about you. When we went looking for the angel tablet, you started to try to kill me. You were under Naomi's spell, and she was screaming at you to kill me. And then I said "We need you, Cas. I need you." Just like that, you were you again. You healed me and then left, but I never forgot. Our love was strong enough to break through angels' wills.

Maybe I fell in love with you the moment I drove you to your date, and then realized I was jealous at the thought of you being with someone else. You had called to tell me that there was a case in the town where you were undercover as a human, so I drove from Kansas to Idaho to help you. I found you working in that Gas-N-Sip, I couldn't help but be proud of you for working with the humans so well. And when I came inside, you looked shocked to see me, but I could tell you were happy. When you told me you had a date, I brought you in my car and made sure you were dressed okay, and then I dropped you off. And when I got back to my motel room I realized, I should be the one who's taking you on that date. Or course, your date didn't work out to well, but that doesn't matter.

But I think the time that is most likely the moment I fell in love with you was when you saved me. Sure, you had saved me before, but this wasn't an ordinary situation. I was a demon, and you turned me back into a human. Your grace was running low and you were dying, yet you still gave me everything you had. You made the ultimate sacrifice to save me, and for that, Cas, I am eternally grateful.

I thank God everyday that he brought you back after you saved me. After all, what was the point of me living if the things I lived for were gone?


	2. Chapter 2: Cas

**This is Cas's chapter.**

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><p>To be honest, I do not remember the exact moment I fell in love with you.<p>

That seed of longing was implanted in my heart the moment I put the last pieces of your soul back into place. An army of angels had fought through the demon ranks to recover you. Out of thousands of angels, I was chosen to put you back together. In the darkness of hell, even the broken pieces of your soul were shining brightly. When I put the last piece into its place, it lit up Hell with blazing white light. Other human souls glow too, of course. But theirs are mere fireworks compared to your nuclear bomb. Deep in my heart, I knew that such a righteous man would be hard to resist.

Maybe the moment I fell in love with you was when I realized how damaged you would be if we made you torture Alistair, and how I did not want you to have to suffer like that. I know what you did in Hell. I know how you spent years being tortured before you finally gave in and started torturing others. I know the anguish you feel every time you think of all the souls you have hurt. To have to do it again would be unbearable for you. It became unbearable for me, too. But I was still a good little soldier back then. I followed my orders from Heaven and made you torture him anyway, even though it hurt my heart to make you do it.

Maybe the moment I fell in love with you was when I realized that you were the one who had been right about the archangels and the apocalypse. For a year on earth, I had been following the orders of my superiors to stop the breaking of seals, so Lucifer wouldn't escape his cage. But it was all a lie. My superiors wanted this to happen. I realized that you were the only one who had ever called them out on this. I had been blind, but you opened my eyes. I took you to Sam, just in time to see him raise Lucifer from his cage. We were too late. But you had taught me a valuable lesson: my superiors were not necessarily the good guys in this battle. You and Sam were.

Maybe the exact moment I fell in love with you was when you told me never to change. I did, of course, but your words stayed with me then and forever. I did not know what had just happened to you, but you smiled at me like I was the only thing that mattered right then, and you welcomed me like a friend.

Maybe the reason I love you is because you would rather have me, cursed or not, than nothing at all. I was crazy, out of my mind, when you told me that. I was determined not to fight against the Leviathan, but I did anyway, for you. In a world full of pain and hallucinations, you stood out to me, bright and clear. Not just you, but your soul as well. Only the soul of a righteous man like you could find its way through all the darkness around me.

Maybe the moment I fell in love with you was when I realized you stayed in Purgatory for a year to look for me. I stayed away from you, tried to make you hate me, to keep the Leviathan away from you. But you didn't hold a grudge against me for that. You welcomed me with open arms when you finally found me. You promised not to leave me behind when you got out of there, and you kept that promise. It was I who broke it.

Maybe the moment I fell in love with you was when you broke through Naomi's spell on me. She made me kill almost a thousand copies of you. I went through it, full of pain every time you fell to your knees in front of me. I made myself become unemotional until Naomi said I was ready. But when it came time to kill you, you somehow found a way to get through to me. In the darkness of that crypt, my mind could only see Naomi's orders. I had you on your knees, begging for mercy. I was ready to kill you. And then you said it. "We need you, Cas. I need you." And the spell broke. It was as if the fog in my brain had suddenly lifted. I healed you and then left quickly, because I had to protect the angel tablet, but I was so scared about what might have happened to me if I had killed you before the trance had been shattered. I would have been heartbroken.

Maybe I fall in love with you a little more every time you pray to me. Your prayers range from "You better get your ass down here and help me, you winged piece of shit" to "Cas, buddy, I need you." You always pray out loud, but I can see the thoughts you keep locked inside your head, hidden from everybody. You hope that I am safe, that I am happy, but most of all, you want me to be with you, to watch over you, to keep you and Sam safe.

But I think the time that is most likely the moment I fell in love with you was when I saved you. Sure, I had saved you before, but this was not an ordinary situation. You were a demon, and I turned you back into a human. My grace was running low and I was dying, yet I still gave you everything I had. I made the ultimate sacrifice to save you. After all, you always would have done the same for me, had our situations been reversed.

I know thank God everyday that he brought me back after I saved you. After all, it is only once that the righteous man recovers his guardian angel.


End file.
